Love Puff
So …. I did my first love puff with Jock.
Queef.
Vart.
Fanny fart.
Vaginal flatulence.
Definition from Urban Dictionary
Whatever it is you like to call it, I did it. That little expulsion of air from the vagina that makes life super hilarious and super embarrassing all at the same time. For fuck’s sake. It was mortifying. I know it shouldn’t be embarrassing; it’s just the human body’s natural reaction to sex sometimes, right? When something is pumping in and out of a tight spot for long enough, it’s inevitable that a little bit of air is going to slide on in … and then right on out again. But oh my gosh, it was so fucking loud. There was no way that either of us could ignore it.
Logistically, it was going to happen at some point. I get super wet when he turns me on, plus he’s not the most well-endowed person I’ve slept with, you know? He was fucking me from behind, enjoying the full delights of doggy style, and then as he retreated, post-ejaculation, it happened.
The love puff.
Bolder and louder and prouder than most actual farts I’ve done.
He ignored it. I mean, his eyebrows raised and his face reacted because he DEFINITELY heard it, but he just carried on cleaning his dick, grabbed us both a drink and sparked up a couple of cigarettes. I could tell from his face that he wanted to laugh or make a joke or something, but he didn’t. He spared my dignity, kept himself in check, and went about his business. I couldn’t have been more grateful.
It was at that point that I knew we’d passed a milestone in our relationship. If he could not-react to something that loud and violent (because it actually sounded violent), I reckon he could probably put up with a lot. But now he knows that I love puff sometimes. He probably knew that anyway, but did it really have to happen that loudly? And so early on in our relationship? No, it didn’t.
The perils of doggy style, people. It’s likely that you’ll fanny fart, especially if you’re dealing with a penis that is *cough* a little smaller than average, and even more so on the pull-out.
What do you do when you love puff/fanny fart/vart with a vengeance? (And don’t tell me that you don’t.) Laugh? Talk about it like responsible and mature adults? Act as though it didn’t happen? What would you want your partner to do? And what the fuck would you do if they were to recoil in disgust? I would die … DIEEEEE.
Anyway, that’s enough overreacting for today.
CRINGE.
